


Self Love is Hard to Learn

by haunted_table_boi



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff and Angst, Help, Hurt, Hypocrisy, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Injuries, Minor Slowburn, Minor comfort, OD!Edd has a bit of a stutter and it gets worse when he's upset, OD!Matt is not okay, Opposite Day AU, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Esteem Issues, minor fluff, ventfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25988464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haunted_table_boi/pseuds/haunted_table_boi
Summary: {Opposite Day AU}Matt hates his face; he hates his body; he hates everything about himself. He doesn't feel like he deserves friends like Edd, Tom, and Tord.Edd, worried about his friend,  tries to convince him otherwise.
Relationships: Edd/Matt (Eddsworld), OD!Edd/Matt
Kudos: 23





	Self Love is Hard to Learn

**Author's Note:**

> Cute little oneshot I wanted to try, and I make no regrets-  
> Only poor choices :,)  
> (TW: Implied self harm, blood, past fight, self hate, OD! Matt thinks bad words a lot)

Two boring dark blue eyes; one of which was swollen, and an ugly yellowish-purple. His lower lip was split, and a thin trail of crimson was trailing down his chin. He noted that his hair was getting long, almost past his shoulders. Matt sighed. It hadn't even been two minutes, but he was already sick of staring at his own face.

Matt carefully took out the black bar that pierced his eyebrow, then his purple horseshoe septum ring, and his black shark bite piercings to further assess the damage. Nothing but that ugly dusting of freckles on his pasty skin and the minor damage he already examined. 

He tore his gaze away from the mirror, and decided that was enough torture for now. Matt rolled up his bloodied sleeves. A few of the cuts from a few days ago had reopened during the fight, just like he thought. Matt groaned as he cleaned and bandaged his arms and his bloody knuckles. A few of the Band-Aids were already soaked with blood, but he didn't care. 

The only reason why Matt bothered to bandage himself up in the first place was so Edd and the others wouldn't worry. They all knew Matt wasn't exactly keen on taking care of himself, despite him constantly preeching about how the other should take care of themselves. But today Matt got into a fight with some bitch who had the audacity to call Edd the f-slur and tried to assault him. The one time Matt didn't have his trusty bat to bust that jackass's kneecaps and run. Of course, Edd had a panic attack from said fight, but the ginger couldn't help it. The guy had almost committed a hate crime, until Matt beat the shit out of him. That jerk deserved it, but Matt didn't feel like he deserved to even bandage himself so he could heal properly. So he half-assed it, only doing some of the many things he would normally do for Tom, Edd and Tord if they had gotten injured.

Sighing, Matt took his facial piercings off the sides of the sink and stuffed them in his pocket; he didn't need a mirror to put them on anymore. He could put them on in the comfort of his own room. As he turned towards the bathroom door, a glimpse of freckles and ginger hair caught his eye. Without a second thought, Matt took his trusty bat and smashed the mirror. Shattered glass fell to the floor as the ginger left the room. He'd clean it later, probably right before the others came back from the movies.

"M-MATT!! ARE-ARE YO-YOU O-OKAY?!" Edd shouted, nearly running right into the towering boy. What was he doing home?

"I thought you were at the movies," Matt stated quietly. "What are you doing here?"

"I-I was worried about you and w-wanted to make sure y-you were alright," Edd stammered, trying to keep his cool. 

"I already told you, I'm fine. Just-" the ginger sighed, and glanced at the bathroom. "Wear your shoes if you have to use the bathroom. I don't want to have to pull glass out of your feet. I'm going to clean up as much as I can." Matt turned to go.

"Ma-Matthew, wait! Are-are you sure? This is the third time you've b-broke the mirror when you th-thought you were a-alone, a-a-a-and- a-a-and-" the smaller of the two started to hyperventilate. Matt dropped his bat and grabbed Edd's hands. Surprisingly, he didn't pull away at the gesture, like he usually did when he was touched.

"Eddie, Edd. Look at me. In and out, like we practiced. In," Matt breathed in deeply, "and out. Come on, do it with me." Edd nodded, and followed suit. It was then Matt noticed the brunette was crying. "Edd, I'm okay. I promise." What kind of shitty friend lied to their crush this much? Matt felt like the worst person that ever existed, but Edd was already anxious enough. The ginger didn't need to give the poor guy to another reason to worry.

"Th-then why is y-your a-arm all bl-bloody?" Edd hiccuped, trying to calm down. Shit. "I-I know th-that's not fr-from the fight! Be honest, Matt! I'm w-worried sick about you!!" That took Matt by surprise; he'd never seen Edd this angry before."Do you th-think I d-don't hear you-ou sneak out of y-your r-room at ni-ight, Matt?! I h-hear you wh-what you t-tell yourself wh-when y-you do it!!"

Matt froze; his cheeks turned pink. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, SHIT! Matt always said terrible things about himself, all things he felt were true, but he used words he would never use towards anyone else. The ginger even called himself a "mother fxxxing f-slur" more times than he could count. Matt didn't feel like he deserved any of the things he had... Especially friends like Edd, Tom, and Tord. If Edd could hear him, then that meant he knew all of Matt's deepest secrets.

"M-Matt, you're my b-best friend. I-I d-don't think I could handle it if s-something happened to y-you. Y-you st-stopped someone from assaulting m-me today. You-ou care about m-me and th-the others... No one's ever b-been on our s-side befo-ore you," Edd stumbled through his words, finally starting to calm down. "P-please be n-nice to y-yourself, Matt. You m-mean a lot to us... A lot to me." Edd fell to his knees, probably drained from two panic attacks (although this one was way shorter than the first). Matt was fighting back tears because what did he do to deserve this? What made him special enough to have this amazing human being try to convince him he wasn't the person he was?

"Matt, I love you. I-I know fr-from experience you d-don't believe me r-right now, b-but you are a good p-person. You are a-a strong, ha-handsome man, a-and you p-protect us. Y-you've seen us all fight. W-we couldn't w-win a f-fight, e-even if our lives d-depended on it. Y-you are the reason Tom h-hasn't lost his innocence, T-Tord hasn't been taken a-advantage of, and I-I'm still alive. If you h-hate your body that much, I'll h-help you find things th-that help you feel c-comfortable with yourself. I'm your friend, Matt. You do so m-much for us, so let me h-help you."

By this point, Matt was crying. He didn't believe a word of it, but he was tired. Of what, he didn't know; but he was willing to try and let his beloved friend help him. Maybe in a few months the ginger would believe the small brunette in front of him, but right now, Matt just wanted to hug something.

Instead of asking for a hug though, Matt asked, "Do you really love me?"

Eddie smiled weakly. "Do you th-think I would say all that about s-someone I didn't love?" he said, right before kissing the freckled man. 

If he was being honest, the kiss was nothing more than a long peck on the lips, but it made him hopeful that maybe Edd meant what he said. Maybe Matt could believe what Edd said one day. But right now, he just enjoyed the tender moment with his favorite brunette. It almost hurt when Edd pulled away.

"C'mon, Matt. I'll c-clean up the glass, o-okay? Then, I-I'll bandage you up," Edd gently squeezed Matt's hands.

"Okay...Be really careful, Edd. I hit that mirror pretty hard," Matt half-laughed, trying to pass his concern off as playfulness. Edd nodded in response as he left to take care of the mess. 

Unsure what to do, Matt wandered into the kitchen and brought Edd the broom and dustpan. He thanked him, then told the ginger to to clean up his wounds the way he would for Edd, Tom, or Tord. So he did. 

When Tom and Tord got home from the movies, Matt and Edd were sitting closer than Edd usually allowed, sleeping peacefully, while a movie played on the TV. The bathroom was clean of any and all glass, Matt was bandaged up properly, his ever-present piercings back in, and his favorite purple hoodie sat on Edd's lap, clean of blood. They smiled, knowing things starting to change for the better between the sleeping pair.

It took a while, but it did. There were a few bumps, some larger than others, but it got better in both ways they had and hadn't expected.

**Author's Note:**

> This got angstier than I intended .H. I tried to lighten it up at the end, but it still feels heavy  
> Oh well, hope you enjoyed!! :)


End file.
